so
so
so very
very
horribly
mean today.
(Shame has a hold on me.)
I've apologized
to the
people who
received this
meanness,
but
I still feel
like I
need to
say
I'm sorry
again.
(I want to know I'm okay in their eyes.)
Sometimes
the
mean
is stronger
than the
nice.
(I hate that I get that way.)
If you
know
how that works
from
personal
experience,
you have
my
condolences.
(Am I allowed to be human?)
I never used to feel shame. I don't know if it was a coping mechanism or some sort of reaction to feeling too much of it for one reason or another, but when I first started experiencing honest-to-goodness guilt for my behaviors, I was horrified.
I let it go fairly quickly, because the part of my brain that is usually active doesn't believe in feeding that particular emotion. But I think it's alright that I acknowledge it, when it's a true emotion, when it's warranted.
Emotions suck. I'm full of them and never know what to do with them. You seem to express yours much better than I do. I just bottle it and keep it to myself, which is sad since this even includes the good ones. I could learn from you. Feel it, express it, own it. You rock!
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